Scientists have found out when loneliness is better than a relationship

The study compared people who were single with those who were in a romantic relationship. The main conclusion is simple: relationships alone do not make a person happier. What matters is what kind of relationship it is.

If the partnership is warm, supportive and satisfying to the person, it is associated with higher levels of well-being. But if the relationship is bad or "tolerable but not happy", it can be harder on the psyche than life without a mate.

Details

The study was conducted by Menelaos Apostolou from the University of Nicosia and Elyakim Kislev from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. They analysed data from 13 waves of the German longitudinal Pairfam study, which involved about 12,000 people.

A longitudinal study means that people were observed not just once, but over several years. This allowed them to see how their well-being changed when they entered a relationship, broke up or found themselves in relationships of varying quality.

In general, people in good relationships reported higher emotional wellbeing than those who were single. But when the researchers took relationship quality into account, the picture changed.

Participants felt better when they were single than when they were in poor or average quality relationships. In these relationships, they were more likely to report less life satisfaction and fewer positive emotions.

The highest well-being scores were among those who were in good relationships. The lowest were those who were in relationships that did not provide support and emotional satisfaction.

Why it matters

The study challenges the common idea that "it's better to have at least some relationships than none". The data shows: it's not true. Coupling for status doesn't necessarily make a person happier.

A bad relationship can take a lot of energy. A person may face constant tension, frustration, mistrust, lack of support, or a feeling of being alone already within the couple. In such a case, being "in a relationship" does not protect against emotional dysfunction.

At the same time, the study does not urge everyone to break up at the first difficulties. Every relationship goes through crises. But it shows that the quality of the relationship is more important than the fact that a person has a partner.

Background

In many societies, romantic relationships are still seen as a necessary part of a "normal" and happy life. People without a mate are often seen as less settled or less happy.

But modern research increasingly shows a more complex picture. It's not just marriage or partnership that matters for emotional wellbeing, but the quality of relationships, support, respect, feeling safe and being able to be yourself.

The authors also found small gender differences. Loneliness was associated with more negative emotions in men than in women, although the difference was small. Lonely women had slightly less feelings of security than lonely men, according to the study. These differences don't change the main conclusion: the quality of the relationship remains the deciding factor.

Another important thing is that the study shows average trends across a large sample. It cannot assess every single couple. Emotional well-being is influenced by health, work, income, children, friends, personal history and other circumstances.

Source

Menelaos Apostolou, Elyakim Kislev, "Do relationship changes cause changes in emotional well-being? A longitudinal investigation", Personality and Individual Differences, 2026.